


Secret diary of a superspy

by Winters_Deadliest_Kiss



Series: Secret Diary Of... [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Maybe - Freeform, My First Fanfic, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 07:10:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11892636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winters_Deadliest_Kiss/pseuds/Winters_Deadliest_Kiss
Summary: Basically, this is my first work so hi, haha. I've decided to go with something Natasha/Bucky and Clint/Bobbi because these guys are kind of interesting and intrigue me. It won't end up with them likely because I know me. Hardcore Clintasha okay don't judge me.Bobbi sees Clint for the first time in 3 years after the incident with Loki, and she's worried about him because she's seen all the footage and she knows what has happened. In trying to get him to realize it wasn't his fault, old feelings resurface. During this time, the events of TWS will transpire and we'll get to Bucky and Natasha how how she deals with her past!





	1. He broke him

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys like it. Comments are always appreciated :) First work, so go easy, okay? ;]

She was supposed to be meeting him today, it would be the first time she’d seen him in a couple of years and yes, she was nervous; she wasn’t typically the nervous type. She was always someone that had been sure of herself but then again, she hadn’t been in this kind of a situation before. When she broke up with someone, she kept her distance. She didn’t go out of her way to contact those people and she didn’t check in from time to time to see how those people were doing but he was her one exception, of course he was. She almost scowled at the very thought of it; he’d been her first heartbreak, too. It was almost bitterly ironic.

She wasn’t supposed to still care, not after all this time but then she’d never really done anything anyone had expected her to do. She’d always sort of gone her own direction with everything. She sat somewhat awkwardly for a few moments, her blue eyes merely fixed on the door before she rolled her eyes, kicking her legs back and putting her feet up on the desk, rolling her neck back so that her hair draped down the back of the chair as she released a dramatic sigh. She’d never been like this. She cursed softly under her breath as she allowed her eyes to flutter closed to block out the blinding lights above her head, fighting the temptation to reach for her gun and shoot them out just so that she could shut out the incessant buzzing. The room was so quiet it was the only thing that she could hear.

Maybe that was why him clearing his throat made her jump, her heels slamming against the top of the table as she fought for stability to stop herself from falling back in the chair that in truth she was starting to regret trying to balance on two legs. She’d been told enough times about that in school; the thought provoked a momentary smirk upon her lips at the very thought of her small rebellion. **“You could’ve just said Hello like a normal person.”** She tried to keep the lightness to her tone, fighting like hell to stop anything from seeping into it that wasn't under her control; he'd always told her she was a control freak. It had been something of a running jibe he'd thrown at her throughout the duration of their marriage but it didn't take a genius to note that he wasn't exactly feeling like himself, or at least he sure as hell didn't look like he was. She could see the darkness there almost as though it were being pointed out by a huge, flashing neon sign.

To her, it might as well have been. Bobbi moved, settling herself back into the chair neatly for a moment as the heels of her boots clicked against the cold floor before she pushed herself to her feet and she stood face to face with him, tilting her head this way and then that as she tried to read his face; she'd always known him better than almost anyone else had. She could tell something wasn't right before she even asked; her arms fell limply to her sides for a few moments, her fingers brushing idly against her jeans before she blew out a sigh and closed the distance between the two of them as she pulled him into a hug and almost immediately, he buried his head in the crook of her neck and held to her like his life itself may very well depend on it. It was evident in her expression that she was worried about him because her brow furrowed and her bravado faltered.

 **"What happened?"** She spoke the question barely above an audible whisper, making no move to pull back or release him from her embrace which seemed to suit him just fine because he seemed somewhat intent on holding her there, anyway.  **"Clint, talk to me."** she added after several long moments of silence, or at least it felt like several long moments. In truth, the only thing she was paying attention to in this moment was him, not anyone else that may be walking past this room nor the passage of time itself was more of a priority to her than he was. Eventually - and reluctantly, she could tell from the look on his face - Clint released her along with a deep sigh, almost like he was trying to let go of all of his sadness and his anger but she could tell by the look in his eyes that it hadn't worked. He was clinging to the tatters of something she couldn't quite pin down because she knew Clint. Clint wasn't like this.

He pulled away awkwardly, moving to sit in an uncomfortable chair in SHIELDs conference room and his hand hit the desk loud enough to draw the attention of a few passing rookies who were informed that it was none of their damn business, but Bobbi was nowhere close to giving up on what happened to him and so, she sat beside him with her head rested against his shoulder.  **"Loki told me he'd make me kill her."** Barton spoke quietly and immediately Bobbi knew who he was talking about. Natasha. She'd been with him on that mission, too. She'd gone into the field and fought a sky opened up with aliens for her best friend and Bobbi couldn't even begin to thank her enough for bringing Clint out of that, she and Natasha had never formally been in the same place since she'd been brought in, that few months of initial training because Bobbi had been a rookie and Natasha showing skills and talents she'd learned with the KGB; a few of these she had no problem teaching the blonde heroine. Bobbi's naturally curious nature made her ask either way.

But she knew that would have been probably about as much time as she'd get to spend with Natasha inside the walls of SHIELD; Bobbi herself was SHIELD's best Solo agent and it seemed that Clint and Natasha made the best double team - which admittedly made her a little jealous - but Natasha had been respectful of her marriage and Bobbi did appreciate that. She waited for him to look up at her; she didn't speak. She knew that her silence was something Clint would find comfort in because he knew her better than to think she'd try to drag it out of him. He'd talk to her on his own when he was good and ready, and indeed he did. Clint glanced sideways towards his ex wife and she could see that he was fighting tears.  **"Natasha."** the name was spoken on his lips in a way that showed anguish that Bobbi wished now ore than ever she could take away.  **"He told me he'd make me kill her slowly, intimately and in every way she fears and I would have done it, Bobs. I would have done it."** Bobbi's jaw set tight; she shook her head adamantly.

Moving to stand in front of him again, Bobbi Morse shook her head in complete blatant defiance at his words. No. He wouldn't have done that. The man that she knew didn't have that in him and Clint was no monster. He'd never been a monster; he was a good guy trying to make his way in a crazy world.  **"You wouldn't."** she spoke softly, placing her hand against his cheek in a tender gesture; her effort to remind him that here and now, he was with someone that knew him better than he knew himself and she knew. She knew that he didn't have that in him.  **"You gave up everything for me, Clint. Everything. You faced hell and you still fought by my side; you don't hurt the people you care about. No force in the world is strong enough to destroy a heart that loving."** Bobbi had never been the type to show her heart so openly. She fought against the urge to roll her eyes at herself. If it were anyone else, they'd have been met with something more controlled and far less emotional but this was CLint; he knew her better than anyone and she knew right now, it was openness he needed more than anything. He needed someone that knew him to tell him that he wasn't evil because this God, this creature? He had persuaded him somehow he was, and Bobbi hated that.

 **"He's not a force from earth, Bob."** He almost sounded defeated as he spoke. That wasn't the man she knew and that scared the hell out of her; this had gotten to him far more than she'd first thought.  **"He's a God; he said all he did was show something inside of us that was already there. Does that mean I already wanted to do it? I wanted to kill those men? I wanted to kill Nat?"** Immediately, Bobbi shook her head in definite defiance. She knew that there was no way in hell that was true; he didn't have that in him. Yes, once upon a time he'd come from a place that hadn't exactly had the best moral compass but Clint wasn't a killer. He wasn't a cold, callous killer. He wasn't that person. Reaching down to close her hand around his, Bobbi pulled him gently toward the door. He was her ex husband, that was true enough but he was also still her best friend. He was also still the person that she'd do anything for without even a question and he knew it.  **"Let's get you outta here."** Bobbi spoke gently; they needed to talk but they needed to talk away from here. Away from SHIELD, away from surveillance cameras and prying eyes because there was no way in hell being trapped in here was going to help him. Somewhere far more familiar and far more safe may just help his mental state a little bit, or at least she hoped. She hoped like hell because in truth, there was no way she was ready to lose him. Not yet and not like this.


	2. A very Barton reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobbi makes Clint go back to his apartment, some adorableness with Lucky, potentially some smut or some Kate. Who knows! I never really have a plan, so I just see where things go. I just go with the direction of the characters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two, first work! Please let me know if you guys like it :)

It was amazing how little this place had changed in the last four years; Bobbi couldn't help but release a soft chuckle as she noted the fact that he hadn't moved the furniture around at all, he hadn't changed the carpets or the wallpaper, he hadn't painted over that one spot by the kitchen window where he'd decided to show off and shoot a spider. Not much at all had changed, the only thing that had was the yellow labrador that came running for the door the moment it opened and sprang all over Clint like a hyperactive puppy though she could see from the grey flecks on his muzzle that he definitely wasn't a puppy at all.  **"You got a dog?"** She sounded almost incredulous; she hadn't really thought of him as a pets kind of person.  **"It's like I don't know you at all, Barton."** Bobbi teased playfully, glancing over her shoulder she watched as Clint gave an easy shrug of his shoulders as he knelt down to run his hands through the dogs fur, pulling it into a hug. An actual, legitimate hug. Clint Barton was hugging a dog. That didn't surprise her even a little.

 **"Bobbi, meet Lucky. I found him and saved him."** She couldn't help but smile at the excitement in his tone; it was clear that the dog meant a great deal to him and in truth, she was glad that he wasn't alone. She knew he had Kate around, she'd met her from time to time when SHIELD had thrown her on some mission or another and she'd had to cross paths with Team Hawkeye but she'd managed to steer pretty clear of Clint; she didn't want to put him off when she was out there in the field and so she and Kate had made it their little secret. There was an excitement in Clint's voice that reminded her of the times he'd come up to her and tell her about a particularly good day... Or whenever he saw a dog. The fond recollection provoked a soft laugh from Bobbi's lips that earned a somewhat quizzical look from Clint and she shook her head gently.  **"Y'know me, Bob. I could never turn my back on a creature in need... Except spiders. Those things can go to hell."** And he shuddered; she laughed. He seemed far more relaxed here, she knew he would.

Kneeling down in front of the four pawed pile of excitement, Bobbi held her hand out to let the dog take his own time to come toward her; she knew that they could be territorial creatures and she could see that the two of them had a strong bond. Happily, Lucky plodded toward her and nudged her outstretched hand with his nose, licking the end of her fingers before she reached back to rub his ears, watching his tongue loll out of his mouth excitedly. Rising to her feet again, Bobbi couldn't help but note the look on Clint's face; a mixture of adoration and something else, something she couldn't quite pin down. Glancing toward him, her brow rose and she shook her head.  **"What?"** she asked, clearly puzzled. Clint grinned.  **"Didn't think you were a dog person."** he stated with a small shrug as he moved around her to close the door behind them, explaining that while he loved Lucky plenty he didn't exactly want to chase him up and down the halls of his apartment block while he harassed their neighbors for attention and Clint had to listen to a list of complaints to add to his already impossible to-do list.

As he shut the door, Bobbi folded her arms across her chest and released a small sigh. Studying him, she took in his posture and how relaxed he seemed. She supposed - at least - now that he was back home, he seemed to be able to breathe easier. She could see the heaviness in his eyes though and she knew that while he was back in a place he felt to be safe and familiar, that was by no means the end of his troubles. He must have known that she was standing there worrying though because he let out a small laugh and took his hand in hers.  **"Relax, birdie. We're all good."** and it was in that moment that she had no idea whether or not be was trying to convince her or himself. She theorized it was likely a little of both.  **"Clint--"** Bobbi began, releasing a breath that she hadn't realized she was holding. She could tell by the look on his face that he was going to try to convince her that there was nothing wrong and that he'd left his troubles back at SHIELD but she knew him far too well. She knew that it had hurt him, scared him, even. 

She'd been in this line of work for a hell of a long time now but even she had to admit that Gods and Monsters was a new one to her; she hadn't seen it coming and she certainly had no idea what it was like to come face to face with one and have him mess around in your mind. In truth, Bobbi Morse found herself wanting to be in a very quiet room with Loki for a few minutes just so that she could kick his ass for what he'd done to Clint. Clint, who seemed wistfully dismissive grinned at her in that stupid, goofy, lopsided way that made her heart race and made her want to punch him all at the same time. She settled on rolling her eyes.  **"C'mon, Bob! You know me. I'll be good, I'm always good. Life throws me into a blender and I come out with a daiquiri and a damn good story."** Staring at her ex husband with an incredulous look, Bobbi released a sigh and shook her head, running her thumb over the back of his hand idly and - she supposed - in a small gesture of reassurance.  **"Don't give me that, I know you. You looked at me back at SHIELD like your world was ending; you looked like you lost your fight, Clint. Don't blow me off. This is me, I married your dumb ass you can bet I know you better."** His brave face fell away; those blue-grey eyes of his seemed to glaze over and Bobbi found herself falling short, for once in years she didn't know what the hell to say.

Clint took a half-step back and he leaned against the wall before he slowly sank toward the floor, rubbing his eyes fiercely with the palms of his hands; it made her want to reach out and stop him.  **"He could have made me kill my best friend, Bob. He made me kill guys I'd helped train and I see that every time I close my eyes. I've got their blood on my hands and there's nothing I can do to stop that, I can't take away those images or all that pain no matter what I do. I keep trying to forget but every time I close my eyes, I see their faces. I see _her_ face. She looked almost afraid of me." ** While she found it hard to believe that Natasha Romanova would be afraid of anything, she could see why Clint would have thought that she'd be afraid, especially of him. There were so few people that knew each other the way that Natasha and Clint did; they were best friends. They knew one another almost better than anyone else did and while that would have made most people jealous, Bobbi Morse was not the jealous type. She knew that Clint loved her when they'd been together and never - not in a million years - would he cheat on her. She knew him better than that and he knew her just as well but she also knew that she couldn't ever possibly comprehend the relationship Natasha and Clint had. 

No one could and she was more than aware of that, she had been aware of that throughout their marriage and she was still aware now, Bobbi reached out to Clint as he turned desperate blue-grey eyes up toward her and Bobbi crouched in front of him, shaking her head softly causing her blonde curls to move around and she raked her hand back through her unruly curls.  **"There's no way you would have done it. I know you better. You're a fighter; you fought back, Clint. She said it, I saw it. You fought back. You weren't going to hurt her, you never had that in you."** she had no idea what comfort she could offer him or even if she could at all but she was damn well going to try. He deserved that much at the very least. Clint raced his hands through his cropped hair and they came to rest on the top of his head and Bobbi made sure she held his gaze. She wasn't going to let him beat himself up like that, she'd never do that to him. He deserved far better than that, especially from her. She was his ex-wife true enough but she was also his friend. She wasn't going to let himself go down that road because Bobbi knew from experience it would lead him nowhere good. She'd gone through something similar when she'd been brought back from the dead.

She felt like she was nothing but a danger to everyone she cared about, she felt like she was nothing but a murdering piece of scum when she'd killed to save her own life, it had been a hell of a hard few months and Bobbi had gone down pretty much every bad path a person could imagine and she knew from experience that it was nothing that he'd want to live through. Someone should have been there for her but in true Bobbi style, she hadn't believed she needed anyone. She was so damn stubborn. She had to do everything on her own and maybe that was one of the very many reasons that they'd divorced. Maybe that was one of the very many ways she'd pushed him - and everyone else away - when she hadn't meant to. She'd wanted him to stay. She wanted to fight for their marriage but she was too damn stubborn to tell him that. She was notoriously independent and that could be both a strength and a weakness alike. Most of the time, she wasn't sure which one it was but when it came to her feelings for him? It was likely a weakness. A stupidity that she needed to overcome for both their sakes but then they both had their faults. It was who they were.

 **"Ah, Bob! If only everyone could have as much faith in me as you do."** He sighed dramatically and she reached out to gently dig him in the arm for it. She wanted to scorn him, to tell him that this was serious and he clearly needed to talk but a part of her held back; she let out a small chuckle and she found herself craving that smile of his. It had been far too long since she'd last seen him smile.  **"Not everyone knows you as well as I do."** Bobbi shot back as she studied him, tilting her head gently to the side. He watched the way that her curls cascaded and she watched the fondness in his eyes; it was something that she hadn't seen there in a while and it was something that in truth, she'd missed. Reaching out to brush her hand gently with his, Clint twined their fingers and rose her hand to his lips where he placed a soft kiss against the back of her hand.  **"Well! Lucky for you, that isn't gonna change anytime soon. You're one of a kind, Bob."** She rolled her eyes as he spoke. Oh, how many times had she heard that?

 **"Nope, not happening Casanova. You're supposed to be opening up and telling me what's going on in that head of yours not sweet talking me into forgetting all about it while you convince me to watch some lame movie with you and forget all about the world."** She tried to remain serious, but even she could feel her expression falter. Goddamn it, Barton! How the hell did you manage to always get past my defenses? Bobbi scorned herself inwardly as she released a sigh and shook her head. She watched his dramatic sigh as he lowered her hand again, but notably kept a hold of it. His eyes cast down to look at their twined fingers and he brushed the back of her hand gently with his thumb.  **"I'm not the kind of guy that opens up, Bob. I drink and come up with smart ass remarks and get myself into a continual stream of shit and somehow, I always survive. That's what I do, but I don't talk. I don't open up. I nearly killed my best friend, my ex wife is asking me how I feel about that and I'm trying to figure out how to tell you that I'm holding up just fine because by some miracle, I didn't do it."**


End file.
